2008 Woodie Awards
Family reunions and the BCS
Cameron Blair
Issue date: 9/25/08 Section: Sports
Last weekend, I wrote brashly about my incredible sports weekend while fans of other teams stared at their television screens in misery. I'm talking to you, Cincinnati Bengals and Ohio State fans. I actually think the prescriptions for Prozac in Ohio have increased tenfold since the football seasons have started.
Don't worry though. I was punished for my unfair actions, as it is wrong to kick a fan while he or she is down.
For my disobedience, the sports gods rained horrible consequences onto me. I was forced to attend two family reunions this weekend. And, of course, by forced, I mean various family members used the age-old method of guilt to convince me attending these functions would be in my best interests.
However, there was a silver lining to this whole mess. These two reunions were very different beasts, to say the least.
Reunion A was a huge ordeal. There were approximately 491 people at this thing, and out of those 491, I think I actually knew about 26. This figure is a bit inflated since I've included myself and my immediate family in it.
The whole event was a bit bizarre. Strange people were coming up to me and asking me about how school was going and the status of my love life. They were like the paparazzi, minus the fancy cameras.
But after some awkward social interactions with my supposed family, it was time to eat. The event was catered by some fairly fancy local restaurant, and I was looking forward to seeing how much I could eat before I would actually sink to the bottom of the lake.
Once again, I was disappointed. I filled my plate with some fried chicken and prepared to dig in. Sadly, though, the mashed potatoes were as bland as Joe Lieberman, and the chicken was drier than Dennis Miller's stand-up comedy.
Sunday's Reunion B was a different story, however. It was a very scaled-down affair with about 25 people, and everyone just brought a couple dishes (excluding yours truly, of course). I knew everyone there, and the homemade dumplings, deep-fried turkey and bread pudding were the culinary equivalent of a roll in the hay with Jessica Biel.
Don't worry though. I was punished for my unfair actions, as it is wrong to kick a fan while he or she is down.
For my disobedience, the sports gods rained horrible consequences onto me. I was forced to attend two family reunions this weekend. And, of course, by forced, I mean various family members used the age-old method of guilt to convince me attending these functions would be in my best interests.
However, there was a silver lining to this whole mess. These two reunions were very different beasts, to say the least.
Reunion A was a huge ordeal. There were approximately 491 people at this thing, and out of those 491, I think I actually knew about 26. This figure is a bit inflated since I've included myself and my immediate family in it.
The whole event was a bit bizarre. Strange people were coming up to me and asking me about how school was going and the status of my love life. They were like the paparazzi, minus the fancy cameras.
But after some awkward social interactions with my supposed family, it was time to eat. The event was catered by some fairly fancy local restaurant, and I was looking forward to seeing how much I could eat before I would actually sink to the bottom of the lake.
Once again, I was disappointed. I filled my plate with some fried chicken and prepared to dig in. Sadly, though, the mashed potatoes were as bland as Joe Lieberman, and the chicken was drier than Dennis Miller's stand-up comedy.
Sunday's Reunion B was a different story, however. It was a very scaled-down affair with about 25 people, and everyone just brought a couple dishes (excluding yours truly, of course). I knew everyone there, and the homemade dumplings, deep-fried turkey and bread pudding were the culinary equivalent of a roll in the hay with Jessica Biel.