Issue date: 4/30/09 Section: Perspective

I've been whining and moping around about how hot my dorm room has been for just about the last five days.

I've cranked up my fan as high as it will go, pushing it to oscillate feebly back and forth, singing its sad creaky song - mimicking my own feelings of exhaustion.

I've thrown open the window and snapped the blinds shut to keep out the hot sunshine.

I've called my mom and whined about how hot it's been and grouched around with my friends, complaining about how ridiculous Housing, or Facilities Services, or whoever's in charge of making our rooms ovens, is to think we could survive this heat wave.

But I've come to realize all my complaining is just making me more miserable. So I've decided to turn my frown upside down and stop grumbling in hopes that some positive thinking can keep me cool.

I'd like to present the theory that Eastern is giving us all some free gifts.

For instance, who knew that when we paid our boarding rate for the semester we'd be getting a free in-room sauna? (Well minus the steam and the rocks, but the sweating detox effect is still the same.)

And while I'm not really a huge fan of sweat, now I've got a jump-start on my summer diet. I'm pretty sure I've dropped at least five pounds since my room turned into a sauna, and now that I've already got the constant sweating thing going I'm much less reluctant to go to the gym and get my sweat on. I guess I'm thinking if I'm already sweaty, I might as well be doing something productive.

While these furnaces we previously called our dorms seem to be suffocating us all, let's all take a moment to think about some of the great excuses we can come up with now to continue our procrastination efforts.

I'm thinking headaches that fry your brain, palms too sweaty to hold a pencil, foreheads too drippy to read a textbook without smearing the pages or the inability to see through the haze rising from the desert sand dunes - er, tile floors.

Continued...

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